Monday, May 15, 2006
hello diary.. i m back le.. yup after such a long way no time 2 talk 2 u.. ya.. i 4gotten her le.. thx 2 my nu`er cindy she made mi realise no point holding on or waitin or wadeva 4 ppl. ya its me who ask 2 be seperated but i hav tried askin her out 3 times and all she buzi maybe she think i hurt her or wad but. does she think in my shoes if she was me? does she wan 2 be kept waitin and wad if she like another guy or wad? i will be being given false hope? i duno tis is wad i assume maybe i nt a good guy 2 her lo juz hurt her all.den she wan put tattoo. so its like e end i tried 2 stop her frm putting 1 but she still wan 2 put ya.. so its i cant stop her or wad lo but if i realli so happen 2 saw her be4 she put 1 i gonna pull her out of the shop lo. ya la i still care for her all cuz i promise her tat i will still care 4 her no matter wad lo and i do keep my word i last time took her ex stuff is 2 remove tat hurt frm her frm her last time ex so tat when i was wit her she will 4get abt her ex totally cuz nth 2 remind her of any hurts etc. but we're nt together but i will help her hold till she feels she wan it back i return her ba by tat time comes guess she maybe find a better guy den me ba. wad 2 do i gt financial problems father gamble wad 2 do? i no money of course no ger wan ma. i know she nt after money or wad but still if she wit me she will suffer ma cuz i hav no money etc and she likes 2 put tattoo i juz hate it.and wednesday i gg surgery le so mani problems.. in sch i do see her sad but i cant be sad cuz i m crying my heart out always trying 2 peek at her but i guess she found sum1 else better no matter wad its like over 4 us ma wad can i do? everythings my fault i nt fate 4 ani girl gd enuff. y love cant stop a girl frm doing things tat would harm their body. i always repeat is cuz i care 4 her alot lo.. i know its very fan but i juz mean well 4 her. but always get e wrong idea. i knw i oversensitive etc. but i trying 2 change so much le lo. wad is true love. hope it would come 2 me.
5:07 AM
My heart skipped a beat;
Thursday, May 11, 2006
oo back le. tis few weeks veri low esteem and confidence feeling so sad etc.. juz nw ask her again if she's free but shes meeting frenz so ya.. shes like veri buzi ok..maybe she feels i hurt her etc but i dun like 2 be left 1 side duno if ur my stead or not it feels veri left out not havin any aim in life. but today after school i and cindy went 2 k-box and thx nu`er u realli made my dae. thx 4 accompany me and cheering me up. when singing all those songs i realli feel so much better =) thx a million. and i hav let it go le. no use hangin on 2 the past if the past is gone as for the future later den say ba. haa den we saw the catching machine.. ya.. and got tis super big winnie the pooh bear..e size like my nu`er also.. haa =) and i try 2 catch it lo cuz i like 2 see smiles on ppl faces it do cheer mi up alot. and yup i catch the winnie the pooh and as usual the uncle there taking care of the stall nt happy wit me cuz i always catch the toys away =x i old customer ma..den gave e bear 2 cindy..tis hw today went feel much better with frenz who can cheer u up. thx. no use chasing for a princess cuz all r princess who will come and leave ur heart only the true princess will come by itself so i dun ned 2 waste time 2 chase ani or wad =) if she will be mine she will be =) but still was realli happi today =) nitenite diary i knw u always get all my shouts at. sry =x
5:14 PM
My heart skipped a beat;
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
ya.. i m back today.. juz came home frm parklane.. cuz today after sch i went out with my god auntie's.. gave them a treat and when i was gg home in train jenna and jacklyn were there so together i ask them go eat ba so i treat all eat.. sunbian sunbian lo.. jennea wen jack hse cuz she gettin clothes so i was in plaza sing alone so i went up 2 yamaha to check their courses out and i decided 2 take drums.. yup.. in e end i went 2 learn drums.. and sign up 4 e course.. happi ba.. cuz i dun ned 2 think so much etc..and let e past go like all my friends say i siao 4 wad go all e way 2 her place den juz go back. if u read my earlier post u wuld understand le ba. but juz let it go ba. there isnt ani girl good lo all r like crap. 1st hurt is juan nw 2nd hurt is ping. i dun1 2 be hurt anyomre fk all e r/s i dun believein true love abt wad girl will love u wit her whole heart all tis.. feeling dam hurt now.. tats y i was outside and my fren talk 2 me. they told mi also e same reason if she my true love or wad she will be mine no point trying so hard 2 hold back de they will 1 day turn around and know tat u once love them alot. and then like tis..dun1 think so much le ba...can say i cant live without a stead or wad ba cuz i always go for long r/s not short terms cuz 1st i dun play and 2nd is cuz i m a lonely guy who seems happi like alot of frenz but actually i m very lonely inside. tats y i tend 2 be veri sensitive in r/s try 2 make my girl as happy as i can. i m not flirt or wad lo. i juz dun1 2 be felt left alone. i always try 2 talk 2 frenz who r closer 2 me but always cant go out wit me den i m always alone at home tats y i keep go out 2 play pool nt because i wan sometime but realli i feel veri lonelyt cuz at least i at there i feel abit happy cuz gt ppl 2 talk 2 and friends 2 laugh and joke. but once i leave that place all e sadness comes back. when will my princess come and bring mi hope and joy and happiness in my life. hen wish 2 see her. any1 tat truly loves and cares for me
5:40 PM
My heart skipped a beat;
Sunday, May 07, 2006
today monday le.. start back sch.. things seems normal but still i do think of my past when i was with her.. when i saw her in sch today.. it feels so hard 2 revert back to normal cuz i feel so lonely nw tat i m alone again.. den juz nw talk 2 jinngyi.. ya den he told me he gt gf.. i guess shes young cute as usual.. lol but can see he usually serious towards her and good thing is he forgotten abt his ex wen qing.. ya.. took him so long to 4get her.. i wonder how i will 4get her.. its like 9 mths+ we together den suddenly i will be free most of the time as not meeting her etc.. i do miss the hugs kisses etc.. really was happy with her alot but sitll at the same time hurt by the quarrels we both hav with each other. dere's a point of time where we both quarrel almost everyday..i do cry still i know i may sound sissy or wad but i m nt ok.. guys do cry juz tat they dun show it in face unless they realli seriously cant hold back their tears... nw back home le.. continue ba.. ya.. i juz viewed aiping frenster and saw e profile.. was like thinkin was it refering 2 me? den under agirl tat is.. she change all le and put tis..
Knowing SoMOnE In YoUr lIfE Is vErY HaPpY.bUt, U wIlL Be sAd iF 1dAy SoMoNe GaVe u aN AnswEr.BUt, CanT FoRcE De..So rEmAiN As beFoRe bA..UnLeSs OnE FiNe dAy, tHe AnSwErS wIlL Be dIfFeReNt. another is H@iz, lIfE so sad...dun neo what should i do..me so stress.HoPe, I Be A HAPpY gAl nExT TiMeno matter what will happen, hope will be happy always and same as before....
A GaL That Is:*Independent de...*Tresure Me Before You Hou Hui*lOvEs To eaT,tRy oUt nEw kInD Of fOoDs*GoInG OuT*eASY gOING*fRIENdY*Can LEnD YoU a lisTenInG Ear If YoU Need SoMeone To tALK tO*lOvE To mAKE fRiEnDs* got limited temper (please dun test me)
and last is she put p.s:hope 1 day, a me waiting de ans will come. i was blur so i juz called her up and ask her abt those. and she juz say she read frm book den copy lo. okay.. nvm. realli duno wad she mean. bt anyway wad 4 i love her so much when she dun even knw wad she wan in life keep duno tis duno tat. wait till she know le den say lo. i dun wish 2 care 2 much le i becoming more cold.
10:19 PM
My heart skipped a beat;
Saturday, May 06, 2006
today i dun wish 2 comment anymore ya.. juz tat when i receive a call frm aiping father. he told me tat aiping nt at home and ask mi she whre and tat her hp also off. i was dam worried althought break le i still so much concern 4 her lo. all my friends say i stupid and wad 4 rush all e way down 2 go and look 4 her. cuz i veri worried sumthin bad may happen 2 her and stuff. so i took cab down and it was raining heavily. and still i go search for her till she call mi and say she below her hse waitin 4 me le. den i ji tao angry. nvm. cut it short and sweet. i dun1 2 care le. i m juz hurting myself more and more she also neva ask 4 my concern i juz bring tis problem 2 myself wad 2 do. so i juz went home again. and ya tats e end of it. maybe shes really nt e one 4 me.
12:01 PM
My heart skipped a beat;
Friday, May 05, 2006
today its over between us le ba juz came frm k-box.. went wit my god aunties 2 let out all e sadness etc.. i feel much beta thx carol and ann.. ya.. juz nw i call aiping up and told her wad i mean by the sms's and she call mi back and talk but i juz told her wad i feel and stuff..thou nt together le but i still will miss her ba. cuz shes e only stead which i hav tat i was so close to. and e most i did for ani stead.i actually honestly still love her but i dun1 2 get hurt later on cuz i gt my family problems if i get hurt by her how? i cant hold on le sia. maybe she will find a betta guy den me? so many guys out there. and juz nw in k box i sang 2 of her fav song dang ni gu dang and na nu hai dui wo shuo. made mi think of she..but i tried 2 be happy realli hen love her tat i hav 2 say those words 2 her and summore thank her 4 coming into my life etc... i realli duno wad i doin. hope i dun hav ani more regrets. i go slp 1st veri tired le gd nite diary. i wish 4 a stead who loves me so tat much as her and hav no tattoos etc i will be happy can le one tats slim looks average like aiping i m very happy and grateful. will my princess ever come 2 stitch my broken heart? i'm waiting.
1:47 PM
My heart skipped a beat;
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
back again.. tis time juz came back 2 write a blog.. today is monday.. lotsa things happen.. 1st.. i went 2 my father room and i came across a statement of account from the singapura finance and it shows that my father has been borrowing money and its nt a small amount.. its 120k. and he mortgage my house with my mother name with it.i was actually veri shocks. tis has been happening for like 2 years and my father has been keeping from the whole family for that long.. we didnt know until today we confronted him and we sat down and talked it out. i ask him 2 be honest 2 us and tell us where all the money go. least did i expect that my father would gamble all away including his CPF savings as he is over 55 and touched already more then half of his savings. i was totally broken down lo i tried 2 hold my tears but they juz flow out... i was dam saddened at this. i never expect my father whom i respect so much,keeps telling me that gambling buying toto,4d smoking etc is bad when he himself sets a bad example. i realli veri hurt and broken down. even tomorrow sch is starting i still think of all tis lo. how can i do well in my studies and stuff.. who will pay for my sister sch fees as she is in the university are we going 2 be beggars? i dun wan such a future juz because my father made such a big and silly mistake i m happy he came clean with us and stop hiding. yes its time 4 him 2 face the music. but now i hav a bigger responsibility as since my father cant take charge taking care of the family i as the son hav to do so. and when we talk finish i went to bath to cool down but even when i bathing i was crying even more...i needed some1 to talk 2..someone whom i felt close 2.. so i msg aiping..and juz told her wad happen.. and she does nt seem like she used 2 be caring anymore.. and another thing that made mi break down till i cant le is when i ask her a question. a question which i always given myself false hopes that she was still mine.. cuz we cooled down for awhile and i said maybe we giv each other sometime 2 understand and stuff but around 1 mth hav pass and i thought we were back so i hold her hand and she allowed we hug,we kiss, everything seems back to normal so i stop furthering questioning her abt the question..but today when i sms her and ask her..she replied me with a sms that made me feel like all along i hav been telling myself shes mine but in actual fact its not. i was totally hurt lo. i knw she dun mean 2 me and she dun mean those but i duno hw i feel.. imagine how u feel juz being hurt by ur family den the person closest to u.. den i sms her and say its all right ask her cheer up but in my heart i m actually broken but still i dun1 her 2 be sad cuz of mi etc..i juz went out and walk walk to cool down veri stressed.
4:14 AM
My heart skipped a beat;
