Tuesday, May 02, 2006
back again.. tis time juz came back 2 write a blog.. today is monday.. lotsa things happen.. 1st.. i went 2 my father room and i came across a statement of account from the singapura finance and it shows that my father has been borrowing money and its nt a small amount.. its 120k. and he mortgage my house with my mother name with it.i was actually veri shocks. tis has been happening for like 2 years and my father has been keeping from the whole family for that long.. we didnt know until today we confronted him and we sat down and talked it out. i ask him 2 be honest 2 us and tell us where all the money go. least did i expect that my father would gamble all away including his CPF savings as he is over 55 and touched already more then half of his savings. i was totally broken down lo i tried 2 hold my tears but they juz flow out... i was dam saddened at this. i never expect my father whom i respect so much,keeps telling me that gambling buying toto,4d smoking etc is bad when he himself sets a bad example. i realli veri hurt and broken down. even tomorrow sch is starting i still think of all tis lo. how can i do well in my studies and stuff.. who will pay for my sister sch fees as she is in the university are we going 2 be beggars? i dun wan such a future juz because my father made such a big and silly mistake i m happy he came clean with us and stop hiding. yes its time 4 him 2 face the music. but now i hav a bigger responsibility as since my father cant take charge taking care of the family i as the son hav to do so. and when we talk finish i went to bath to cool down but even when i bathing i was crying even more...i needed some1 to talk 2..someone whom i felt close 2.. so i msg aiping..and juz told her wad happen.. and she does nt seem like she used 2 be caring anymore.. and another thing that made mi break down till i cant le is when i ask her a question. a question which i always given myself false hopes that she was still mine.. cuz we cooled down for awhile and i said maybe we giv each other sometime 2 understand and stuff but around 1 mth hav pass and i thought we were back so i hold her hand and she allowed we hug,we kiss, everything seems back to normal so i stop furthering questioning her abt the question..but today when i sms her and ask her..she replied me with a sms that made me feel like all along i hav been telling myself shes mine but in actual fact its not. i was totally hurt lo. i knw she dun mean 2 me and she dun mean those but i duno hw i feel.. imagine how u feel juz being hurt by ur family den the person closest to u.. den i sms her and say its all right ask her cheer up but in my heart i m actually broken but still i dun1 her 2 be sad cuz of mi etc..i juz went out and walk walk to cool down veri stressed.
4:14 AM
My heart skipped a beat; 